Its so hot here!!
Well I have not been very good at keeping up with my posts over the past few weeks. I think it is a mixture of reasons but mainly for some reason I just have not felt like it. But today I am feeling ready to type again.
Things have been going ok lately. The past couple of days I have been in a I dont want to be here sort of mood, which I get in every few days. I feel guilty for feeling that way for so many reasons, mainly that I am letting down the kids I am here for by saying that and it makes me start questioning my call here and my call to youth ministry and that has a number of other setbacks. But mostly I feel that when I say it I limit God and His reasons, that I am still trying to figure out, that He sent me here and placed me in the this church.
I still even struggle with being in and working for the Episcopal church (this could be a whole other, super long blog). Yes I trust and love my boss, and his boss seems pretty solid, but there are times when I ponder whether to stay in this church or whether just to say I am sick of this church (for so many reasons) and just move on to another denomination. But I need to keep remebering that yes the Episcopal church pays me but it is not my boss, God is. I am here to work for God and to allow Him to minister to the youth here through me, an idea which is super scary to me.
People keep telling me that I just need to be patient and that God will reveal His reasons for bringing me here over time and as I grow in my ministry, and I actually keep telling that to myself as well. I keep finding myself wishing that time will go by quicker but then I catch myself and remeber that God does not want me to live my life hoping and wishing for time to fly by.
But for today, this is how I am feeling. I pray that tomorrow will be different and i will be excited to be here. But this is today. I just pray that I will be able to give this fear and doubt to God and be able to live each day fully, looking for what He wants to teach and show me each day, instead of wishing each day quickly by.
On another note, it is so super hot here. The past few days have been 94 or so with a heat index of 106. Then when you throw in a bunch of humidity, man talk about a sweat fest.
Things have been going ok lately. The past couple of days I have been in a I dont want to be here sort of mood, which I get in every few days. I feel guilty for feeling that way for so many reasons, mainly that I am letting down the kids I am here for by saying that and it makes me start questioning my call here and my call to youth ministry and that has a number of other setbacks. But mostly I feel that when I say it I limit God and His reasons, that I am still trying to figure out, that He sent me here and placed me in the this church.
I still even struggle with being in and working for the Episcopal church (this could be a whole other, super long blog). Yes I trust and love my boss, and his boss seems pretty solid, but there are times when I ponder whether to stay in this church or whether just to say I am sick of this church (for so many reasons) and just move on to another denomination. But I need to keep remebering that yes the Episcopal church pays me but it is not my boss, God is. I am here to work for God and to allow Him to minister to the youth here through me, an idea which is super scary to me.
People keep telling me that I just need to be patient and that God will reveal His reasons for bringing me here over time and as I grow in my ministry, and I actually keep telling that to myself as well. I keep finding myself wishing that time will go by quicker but then I catch myself and remeber that God does not want me to live my life hoping and wishing for time to fly by.
But for today, this is how I am feeling. I pray that tomorrow will be different and i will be excited to be here. But this is today. I just pray that I will be able to give this fear and doubt to God and be able to live each day fully, looking for what He wants to teach and show me each day, instead of wishing each day quickly by.
On another note, it is so super hot here. The past few days have been 94 or so with a heat index of 106. Then when you throw in a bunch of humidity, man talk about a sweat fest.
posted by khwilly at 1:04 PM
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